Mariya Ali

Today, I will give myself permission to set the limits I want and need to set in my life.

The Language of Letting Go

So much talk about boundaries in this book, it’s almost as if it’s something important. Enough already! I get it.

Set boundaries.

Enforce boundaries.

And don’t give in!

(Oops, but I still do).

Help me begin to take healthy risks. Help me let go of my fear of failure and help me let go of my fear of success. Help me let go of my fear of fully living my life, and help me start experiencing all parts of that journey.

The Language of Letting Go

Today, I will let things happen without worrying about the significance of each event, I will trust that this will bring about my growth faster than running around with a microscope. I will trust my lessons to reveal themselves in their own time.

The Language of Letting Go

The story is full of twists and turns. Cliffhangers with multiple possibilities. It’s not the end, it’s just a bend. Until there’s the happily ever after.

Today, I will practice tolerance , acceptance and love of others as they are and myself as I am. I will strive for balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself.

The Language of Letting Go

My lessons:

Health. If you want a perfect body, you’ll never have it. Instead, we can focus on having a better body, we can focus on having a healthier body while enjoy the process of exercising and improving our health.

Relationships. If you’re looking for the perfect partner or friend or co-worker, you’ll lose every time. People are, by nature, imperfect—we come equipped with a tackle box of flaws. But instead of the flaws, we can focus on making our relationships better, we can focus on growing as individuals and contributing to other people.

Passions. If you’re looking for the perfect job, it’s not out there. No matter your vocation—even if you land your “dream job” in which you pursue your passions every day—there will be moments of despair, moments of tedium, and moments of doubt. But that’s OK. Instead of those moments, we can focus on the joy experienced by pursuing our passions, we can focus on the fulfillment we get from growing and improving everything we do in tiny little ways every day.

Every area of life is filled with imperfection, but we needn’t neurose over every flaw.

I’m not, however, advocating mediocrity. I refuse to be run-of-the-mill. I’d rather fail miserably than saunter down the alley of mediocrity. Instead, I’m advocating passionately pursuing what you love and doing so with vigor, knowing there will be flaws and mistakes along the way. I’m advocating learning from those flaws—even appreciating them—because they allow you to grow. That’s what life is about.

Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn’t. If it’s not mine, I won’t keep it. I will deal with myself, my issues, and my responsibilities. I will take my hands off what is not mine.

The Language of Letting Go

My epiphany while watching “How to be single” was the concept of dicksand, which I have previously written about.

Losing yourself in/for/while with a guy.

You see, it’s not only about losing yourself. It’s about gaining them. Filling your (recently emptied) self up with their crap. Feeling responsible for their feelings/issues/reactions/perspectives…boy did I do that (esp. with Voldy). With him it was engineered, but even prior to this, I internalised many, many issues of others – not just in a romantic setting, but in all relationships. It had a catastrophic effect on my self-esteem and self-worth – as well as my mood, anxiety and behaviour.

I see marked differences in myself – only occasionally do I now flounder and catch myself falling into habits-of-days-gone-by.

So all in all, I’m kind-of out of the dicksand.

Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that’s appropriate. Whenever possible, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings between us.

The Language of Letting Go

Am I too critical of people? Do I place people on a pedestal that they will inevitably not live up to? I’m not sure in all honesty. I don’t think that I knowingly do this, instead I push people away out of fear of rejection + abandonment.

So how do I change this? Do I let go of the “ideal man” and “ideal person” notion that I have in my mind? How can I be more accepting of other people? It’s ironic really, because I fell into the Dicktard woman trap because I was so unconditionally accepting, and yet now it’s something that I struggle with.

Ah well, it’s not an imminent issue for me, so I suppose when the time comes, I’ll deal with it. (Can you tell that I’m in a laissez-faire mood at the moment?)

Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I’m going tomorrow.

The Language of Letting Go

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing more to reflect on with the daily LOLG affirmations. Perhaps this would have been better for me last year; I’m in a much better place now.

Yet it’s in the wee hours of the night, when I get frustrated that karma hasn’t come a-knocking – both for he and I. Then I realise that it’s coming for me – good karma that is. For after all that I’ve been through – I know that good things are just around the corner.

As for him – when I stop and truly reflect – it must be really horrible to be him. His existence is his own curse, and those he encounters are there to pay off their own bad karma. What a pathetic way to be.

I’m so happy that I no longer have to listen to his vile abusive rants or be covertly manipulated and controlled. Genuinely, I can act now without being afraid of the consequences.

I feel free from the shackles, and I’m only just realising now how much they were weighing me down.