Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable

The Language of Letting Go

There’s a lot in this book about control, eh. I wonder what control has to do with abusive relationships – when I was with Voldy I certainly had no control over anything – rather I was completely controlled. Perhaps after relinquishing total control, the knee-jerk reaction is to then feel a need to control everything.

Do I have this need? Really, do I? If I consider, deep down, what my needs are, is one of them to control? I think one is to avoid pain, which manifests as control. I mean, jeez, how many setbacks does a woman have to go through? I think of the whole school of thought that consists of something along the lines of “there are others that are in much worse situations”, but I feel like instead, one should celebrate what one has overcome. Oh dear, I just used the third person.

However, there are people in worse situations, and of course there are people in better situations. And then there’s me – my journey, my lessons, my happiness, my sadness…which I don’t wish to compare to others. So rather than aim to control – I’ll aim to take a back seat, take the ups as they come and the downs as they come.

If I get hurt? That’s life I guess. I’ve overcome it before, I can do it again.