In the Western World, homosexuality and bisexuality are no longer taboo. It is an accepted lifestyle, although there are always pockets of bias against them, for the most part, they are happily able to live their alternative lifestyle. Same sex marriages are allowed throughout the entirety of the UK and the majority of the US.
However, on a micro scale, it is completely unacceptable within the bohra community. Which leads one to a conundrum: With all the emphasis and pressure placed on marriage in our community, what happens to those who are homosexual? Do they live a lie, succumb to the pressure and marry? Do they take a stand and refuse to marry without explanation? What are the repercussions of this?
This is not a debate on whether Islam permits homosexuality (however, this is an interesting article on that topic), nor is it a debate on whether homosexuality is nature vs. nurture. This is simply random thoughts on a whole bunch of “what ifs”. I certainly have no authority nor enough knowledge to speak on either of the above points but mainly, I have no authority to judge others.
This article on same-sex marriage tells the story of an inter-race, inter-gender marriage and raises some good points.
Well, we live in a society where let alone homosexual, even love and inter-caste marriages are looked down upon by majority. In a scenario, where live-in relationships are condemned, married couples without kids are seen as outcasts, and unmarried women in their 30s are no less than a national issue, how open are ‘WE’ in accepting ‘Shannon and Seemas’?
Homosexuals have to deal with immense social stigma, outright rejection of their sexual identities, and are even compelled to marry people of the opposite sex. Same-sex marriage, as a concept is more or less a subject of ridicule and jokes.
In the hypothetical situation that this were to occur within our community, what are the potential outcomes?
In the case of joining the mainstream and marrying, regardless of sexual orientation:
1. Is it fair on the person who is being married?
2. Is it fair on the person who is homosexual?
In both circumstances, I would say no. But the latter poses a viewpoint that I think is often overlooked. Sure, it is unfair on the unsuspecting other party, who marries to create a life and family with someone under false pretenses. But it must be really hard on the person who is gay. Knowing that your choices will never be accepted and you can never be who you really are, or if you do, then it is at a high cost. Most likely being shunned by the community at large and potentially your family and friends. It could have ramifications on your family as well. After all, we are all too aware of how the bohra gossip mill is constantly working overdrive. A combination of stigma, lack of education and acceptance would make anyone who openly “comes out” a social outcast and would most likely have severe repercussions on the immediate and potentially extended family. I also wonder whether anything would be done to “correct” the homosexual tendencies. I know that in some sects, and indeed previously in England, hormone therapy was given to “treat” homosexuality.
What if the person resists the pressure to get married?
1. How do you answer/dodge all of those questions?
2. Could you ever openly be in a homosexual relationship?
I have no idea on the former, nor have I seen any examples or even attempts for the latter. I sometimes wonder what the reaction to this would be? Perhaps I have too active an imagination/too much time/both. In a community where marrying out is frowned upon, what would happen if a same-sex marriage were to take place?
I doubt that we will have a Seema/Shannon marriage anytime in the near and potentially even distant future. This topic is not even talked or joked about quietly, it is simply ignored. I wonder if the situation will ever arise where this will need to change. Until then, this remains a bunch of random hypothetical questions I come up with to placate my overactive imagination.
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