Month: January 2016 (Page 3 of 4)
It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.
“You have rights,” we tell them. “And those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt.”
Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can’t we see when we are being used, victimised, lied to, manipulated, or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?
There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we need to stand up fro ourselves – when walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.
Some days, the lesson we’re to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson we’re learning is that of fighting for ourselves and our own rights.
Sometimes, the lesson won’t stop until we do.
“I’m setting my boundaries”, I remember her saying, right before she hung up the phone. In my humble opinion, hanging up the phone on someone in any setting is simply rude, childish and uncalled for. Nevertheless, I remember thinking “well, have fun with your boundaries. They’ll soon be torn apart.”
Months later, I remember being told that my anger was a response to my boundaries being violated.
What boundaries?
What are boundaries?
What are my boundaries?
Over time, I’ve started to analyse and answer these questions. You see, the concept of boundaries is so foreign to me. Perhaps it was my chronic low self-esteem, or my enmeshment in all relationships, or my lack of assertiveness, or my eagerness to please, or an overlap of some or all of those – but the bottom line is that I basically had no idea what a boundary was. With this revelation, many events from my past started to make sense.
So I embarked on a journey to discover my boundaries and eventually implement them. I went from one extreme to another, from having no boundaries to enforcing such strict boundaries that I ended up being completely unforgiving at the slightest sign of someone violating them. I was so hypersensitive to putting myself in another precarious situation that I didn’t leave any room for negotiation.
Now I feel like I’ve struck a good balance. I won’t take crap from people anymore and I will speak my mind. I will say no. I don’t care if you don’t like it.
Mainly though, I will take care of myself the way I take care of others.
Because, well, in the words of L’oreals marketing department, I’m worth it. *Hair flick*
Dear Mr. Obama,
I was delighted to read this article. It was touching to see you so visually moved by the tragic and horrific gun crimes that have been committed over the years. I applaud you for standing against the influential lobbies that sway congress and make (common sense) changes impossible. It was very astute of you to announce that mental health will have additional funding, so that ignorant people who think that the US gun violence problem is due to poor mental health care cannot pick holes in your argument.
I do understand that there are some instances where these crimes are perpetrated by people who have mental health issues, but the fact that this minority are able to acquire firearms easily allows them to carry out attacks. It is always a positive thing when the spotlight is shone on mental health and resources are allocated to it, as it is obviously a very serious issue which lacks sufficient resources. (As an aside, perhaps you could also address the fact that not all health care plans in the US cover mental health – that’s akin to saying “this plan covers all illnesses other than those that affect the kidney”. I’m sure that you can see that this is nonsensical and a very stupid thing to do).
It’s been a great 8 years in office and I feel like you have accomplished an incredible amount, despite having a congress that disagrees with you and blocks a lot of your bills. As a non-resident of the United States, your international policy has been steadfast and has somewhat redeemed America from the catastrophic PR that Bush Junior created.
Yours truly,
A quite content citizen of the world.
PS. Please don’t vote for Trump.
PPS. He’s worse than Bush. I didn’t think that I would ever be able to say that about anyone.