Inspired by this article,
Dear future daughter(s),
Here are some promises I make to you.
- Under no circumstance, in any way, shape or form, will I EVER allow you to undergo FGC.
Your body is yours to do whatever you want to do with it and in no way will I attempt to change it in any manner. (Aside, you’re beautiful and perfect the way you are. Go ahead and eat the samosa).
2. Travel as much as you want by yourself.
Go when you’re young, explore the world. Meet interesting people, have adventures. Explore what you like and dislike and find your passion in life. The world is your oyster. Don’t sit on the fence and think that you can travel after you get married. Book your ticket now and live in the moment.
3. Be street-smart
I will worry about you. There are a lot of nasty people in the world and as you are so beautiful (I know, everyone says you look like me :)) I know that you are smart and savvy enough to have sound judgement as to what is safe and what is dangerous.
4. Stay away from smoking and drugs. Other than that, try everything
Want to eat bugs? Skydive? Bungee jump? Swim with a Great White Shark? (Okay, maybe not the last one) Go ahead! Don’t be afraid of trying new things and giving everything a go. Just stay away from those vices. They’re detrimental and frankly, really expensive bad habits.
5. Practice any religion that you want
You’re not necessarily born into the right religion. There’s a whole world of different views and opinions and nuances of religion out there. Learn, explore, discover. Choose another religion if you wish, or no religion at all. But always make sure that you are fundamentally a good person and respect the beliefs of others.
6. Don’t care about log kya kahenge
Today’s gossip is tomorrow’s old news. Someone else will run off with a white boy, or break off an engagement tomorrow and you will no longer be the topic of the day. Wear what you want, do what you want, say what you want. Don’t be offensive, but be expressive. And never, ever hold back out of fear of what others will say.
7. Date. Whoever you want and whenever you want.
Experience puppy love. Go bowling when you’re 14 to the guy that sent you a note asking you out with tick boxes that said “yes” or “no”. Hold hands. Practice your kissing technique on a boy and not your arm. Explore what you want and don’t want in a person. And don’t just date to get married. Enjoy every conversation, butterfly in your stomach, love note and date in the moment without worrying about where it ends up going.
8. You have no expiration date
Ignore those stupid aunties who make comments about your age and unmarried status. Find the right guy and be ready to settle down. I would rather you be married to the right guy at 35 than the wrong guy at 25. Or don’t get married at all. Or marry a woman. As long as you wake up every morning with a smile on your face, I’m happy.
9. Don’t plan your life around a husband
Choose a career that will make you happy. It doesn’t matter if it’s dependent on where you live and whether you may or may not end up living in another city or country depending on where you end up married. The right person will figure it out with you, if need be.
10. Move out whenever you want
Go and live with friends, or a partner, or even stay at home. Don’t feel like you need to live with your parents until you get married.
11. Spend, but also save
Live in the moment and spend money, if it makes you happy. Be money-smart and don’t spend money you don’t have. Keep some money away for a rainy day, but pay for those piano lessons you always wanted to take.
12. Educate yourself, so that you can always be financially independent
Don’t expect to be taken care of financially by a man. You should always be able to be self sufficient, should you choose to be.
13. If you don’t want to cook, don’t. If you don’t want to clean, don’t. Don’t feel pressured to do either because you’re a woman.
These are important life skills, but don’t feel pressured to enjoy or learn them because of your gender. I also promise you that chores will be equally split between my sons and daughters. Equally, I will expect you to help with DIY and changing light bulbs.
14. Don’t be ashamed of your sensuality
Be happy with your body and your sensuality. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s an innate and integral part of who you are. Embrace your beauty and femininity in all ways.
15. Wear whatever you want
Bikini? Mini skirt? Boob tube? Wear whatever you want. Express yourself, be confident in your own skin. If you wish to cover yourself completely, feel free to do that too.
16. Feel free to have a small wedding
If you don’t want your wedding to be attended by 150 people you don’t know or care about, don’t invite them. It’s your special day, not mine
Lots of love,
Your (future) mother.
PS Don’t ever forget Mother’s Day. Or my birthday.
