Mariya Ali

Today, I will open myself to the love that is here for me. I will let myself receive love that is safe, knowing I can take care of myself with people. I will be grateful to all the people from my past who have assisted me in my process of opening up to love. I claim, accept, and am grateful for the love that is coming to me.

The Language of Letting Go

“A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.” ~Rumi

The difference between him and I, is that I do look back. I learn, I hurt and I regret. I still get chills when I remember his words: “In my search for perfect love, I have broken many hearts, never looking back because my search was more important and that when I found my lady in white, all of the pain would stop mattering”.

You know what? It does matter. The pain you caused me and so many other does matter. My tears and heartache matters. One day, when life brings pain to you, you will realise, but until it affects you, like in all respects, you won’t care.

I however, will keep kissing them frogs. Knowing that each frog, regardless of whether he turns into a prince, is still a perfectly nice frog.

Today, I will remember that there is no situation that can’t be benefited by taking care of myself.

The Language of Letting Go

Taking care of my involves focusing on my dreams, my visions and not focusing on my past.

Today, I will wait, if waiting is the action I need in order to take care of myself. I will know that I am taking a positive, forceful action by waiting until the time is right. Help me let go of my fear, urgency, and panic. Help me learn the art of waiting until the times is right. Help me learn timing.

The Language of Letting Go

Timing is a curious thing. Over the course of my (relatively short) life thus far, things seem to have happened at the right time. Of course, at the time life felt like it was crumbling, and it was – but it was crumbling at the right time.

So for the things that haven’t happened yet to me, I need to hang on to this thought – that everything happens at the right time.

It’s just a matter of sitting tight and waiting.

Today, I will consider whether a deadline might be helpful in some area in my life.

The Language of Letting Go

I struggled with deadlines in relationships – twice. Perhaps I need to stop getting involved with commitment phobes and psychopaths. Actually, DEFINITELY the latter.

I hate being in ambiguous territory – maybe it’s a lack of confidence, skeletons in my closet that haven’t been dealt with or a need for control, but that feeling of the unknown doesn’t sit well with me.

Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s them.

I know for sure that a healthy, adult relationship won’t make me feel like I am unsure of where I stand. So rather than setting deadlines, I think I just need to walk away from people who I feel I need to set a deadline for.

Essentially, I need to stop giving away my power.

Today, help me to let go of my resistance to change. Help me be open to the process. Help me believe that the place I’ll be dropped off will be better than the place where I was picked up. Help me surrender, trust and accept, even if I don’t understand.

The Language of Letting Go

Today, I will understand that I hold the key to my freedom. I will stop participating in my oppression and victimisation. I will take responsibility for myself, and let others do as they may.

The Language of Letting Go

Again, a pertinent post for me. Yesterday night, I had another pity party. I cried, vented, got sympathy, gave myself sympathy and fueled the fire of victimisation. I knew what I was doing to myself as I did it and today I woke up feeling deflated, upset and angry. It revived feelings that I haven’t had in quite some time and has ended up being detrimental to me.

What are the payoffs for being the victim? Empathy from others for sure, but the biggest payoff was validation that what I went through was bad. In JF’s words “horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible” and “awful awful awful abuse”. I needed to hear that. I needed to remind myself, or rather be reminded, that I was a victim. Why? As I reflect on this question, I don’t really have a clear answer. For comfort, for validation and to create an understanding of how hurt I truly was/still am. An explanation for why I do what I do.

I don’t want to be silent – I want that understanding. My story deserves to be told and I deserve to be listened to. If it gives me that brief moment of sympathy/empathy, to me that’s worth the fallout the next day.

Today, I feel okay with allowing myself to slip back into victim mode, as infrequent as it is. It briefly takes away my freedom, but when I think about it, it gives me freedom. It lets others see how my wings are slightly burnt so that they understand if I don’t fly so high. In a way, I take responsibility for myself, yet I also control feeling a victim – which I suppose is a way of not being a victim, because I have control over it, which by definition then removes being a victim – if you follow my (slightly convoluted) logic.

So I think that yesterday, I did have freedom, because I chose to feel the way I did. And I’m fine with that.