Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren’t trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. Help me let go of my need to control. Help me set myself and others free.

The Language of Letting Go

I don’t need to control people – I want to control situations. Perhaps it’s my fear of pain – or rather, my (superhuman) ability to put myself in positions where pain is inevitable. Maybe it isn’t inevitable – but just a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So what would I be doing differently if I weren’t trying to control? What would it really feel like to let go? I suppose it  would entail really, truly living in the moment. Not worrying about the future, or lamenting on the past, but being grounded in the present moment.

I remember Krista once giving me a tip – look down at my feet. My feet are on the ground, in the present moment. They aren’t 5 years down the line and they aren’t in the rear-view mirror.

I realise now that I’ve spent so much of my life either looking back wistfully or looking forward skeptically, that I’ve scarcely enjoyed the present moment. I didn’t savour the colours, smells, tastes and company while it was happening. I’m left with a lot of regrets – relationships and moments that I wish I had cherished at the time that have slipped through my fingers.

Oh-well. Lessons learnt. Today, I will look down at my feet and rather than clicking my heels three times, thinking about where I’d rather be, I’ll take a deep breath, look up and enjoy the moment. Right there and then.