Guh.
Where are you?
Page 14 of 40
Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a step to help myself climb out
The Language of Letting Go
“Things are looking up”, I said.
“They always do. Sometimes we don’t look up.” Wise words, Jayesh!
There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language was boiled-down to four-letter words!
The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband, I’d give you poison!!”
and he said, “If you were my wife, I’d take it.”
Gladstone, a Member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, sir”, said Disraeli, “On whether I embrace your policies, or your mistress.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.”
– Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire.”
– Winston Churchill
“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
– Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
– Clarence Darrow
“He has never been known to use a word, that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
– William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think, big emotions come from big words?”
– Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
– Moses Hadas
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea, of any man I know.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
– Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
– Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend . . . if you have one.”
– George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second . . . ,
if there is one.”
– Winston Churchill, in response.
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost, like having you here.”
– Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man, and worships his creator.”
– John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope, it’s nothing trivial.”
– Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.”
– Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver, looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating
“There’s nothing wrong with you, that reincarnation won’t cure.”
– Jack E. Leonard
“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”
– Robert Redford
“They never open their mouths, without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
– Thomas Brackett Reed
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
– Charles, Count Talleyrand
“He loves nature, inspite of what it did to him.”
– Forrest Tucker
“Why do you sit there, looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
– Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
– Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts .. . . for support rather than illumination.”
– Andrew Lang
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
– Billy Wilder
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
– Groucho Marx
Today, I will practice loving self-care
The Language of Letting Go
Precisely.
Today, I will let myself have my feelings while I practice patience
The Language of Letting Go
Ironic, this affirmation is (in the words of Yoda – and my current inner voice). I was having a conversation yesterday with speck of dust about outlook, thinking positive and letting go of emotion. His argument was that you shouldn’t fuel the fire of negativity. My viewpoint is that I believe in being patient and letting feelings evolve and pass naturally. My firm belief is that if you don’t put the fire out at the source, you’re always going to have to put it out, as it will continue to burn. Get to the source of the issue and address that. This is the problem I have with the terms “let it go”, “change your thinking”, “think positive” etc. etc. etc.
Personally, I prefer to just feel my emotions, until the fire dwindles and eventually goes out.
Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can’t let go completely, I’ll try to “hang on loose”.
The Language of Letting Go
While reading the preamble to today’s affirmation, I came across this:
Detachment is not something we do once. It’s a daily behaviour in recovery.
Eureka! I have no idea why I hadn’t figured this out already.
Letting it go (i.e. detachment) has been so hard for me. Oh how I wish I could take a pill and erase that period of my life from my memory. As much as I resolved to move on, not care, forget, not bother, stop wasting my time etc. etc., thoughts of the past incessantly creep into my conscious mind. I vent – I vent a lot. I share (verbally or through this blog (if anyone’s reading)) when I have thoughts or memories of him. After being silenced (I was controlled and I covered up the abuse to protect the monster that I (am ashamed to say) once loved), I find it cathartic to speak freely. I don’t have anyone denying that they’re abusing me and that my ill treatment is a consequence of my behaviour. It’s like going on a strict diet, getting to your ideal weight and then going for an all-you-can-eat buffet. Bad analogy, but hey, I’m hungry and I’m dieting.
What does this mean for me? Well, I don’t have to feel bad that I’m unable to simply erase him from my memory. I have to remind myself that this is a process, and that detachment happens gradually. Each time a thought of him comes up, I can just let it go and not beat myself up because I’m not able to make it disappear completely.
Slowly but surely, I’m drifting towards the horizon.
Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem-solving efforts.
The Language of Letting Go
How I used to negotiate conflicts (Pre-Voldy)
- Conflict arised
- I listened to the other person’s opinion
- I raised my concerns and explained why I disagree
- I went with the other person’s opinion even though I didn’t necessarily agree with it (normally due to a fear of abandonment – yup, hello again)
- Even if they did agree with me after reasoning, I somehow convinced them to go with their original opinion due to guilt
- I resented the other person
How I used to negotiate conflicts (With Voldy)
- I didn’t. I just did what he said because I was afraid of the repercussions
- On the rare occasions that I did try to reason with him, we ended up doing what he wanted anyway, because he was either right or I was wrong.
How I negotiate conflicts now
- Conflict arises
- I listen to the other person’s opinion
- I express my own opinion and why I disagree
- I consider what they said
- I take into account how important the conflict topic is to them
- If the other party doesn’t fully agree with me, I calmly come to a compromise or acquiesce, if I feel that it was not detrimental and would be beneficial to the other person’s happiness.
- Happy days.
Whoop. I’m getting there!
PS. Hello speck of sand in an hourglass! Well look at this, you made it onto my blog 😉