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Today, I will practice accepting myself and my present circumstances. I will begin to watch and trust the magic that acceptance can bring into my life and recovery.
The Language of Letting Go
How do I feel today? Shaken. Very shaken up from some triggers that have come up over the past few days and as I remember and recount the darkest moments and the devastating abuse, I realise that I have generally forgotten what happened, the intricacies of the abuse, but not the way that it made me feel.
I just need to accept it happened. I need to stop questioning.
Why?
Why me?
What did I do?
I have grown in so many ways – I am wiser to the world, I know more about humanity, inhumanity, compassion, empathy, love, forgiveness, care, support and self-worth. Through him I realised what a good person I am.
Today I need to focus on acceptance, especially after the past couple of days.
Make that:
SHAPED NOT SHAKEN
Help me search out the blocks and barriers within myself. Bring what I need to know into my conscious mind, so I can be free of it. Show me what I need to know about myself.
The Language of Letting Go
It’s so ironic that I was discussing this precise topic with a friend of mine in New York yesterday. We talked about how we have worked on conscious issues, but how subcounscious issues that we are most likely unaware of are fuelling blocks and hesitation in our lives.
I think back to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and realise that if I analyse my responses to scenarios I can pinpoint the beliefs that I hold that place barriers in my path. I can then address them using the tools and techniques that I’m oh-so-familiar-with-now. I feel like I have been doing this work for so long that there can’t be anymore skeletons in my closet, surely?
I suppose every new moment is an opportunity for another self-limiting belief to lodge itself in my subconscious mind, or for an existing one to take up a slightly larger space. I realise that I have been neglecting it all, thinking that a-long-time-ago, I already dealt with this crap. Time, and life, continuously fuels the monsters in my head and as I reflect, I notice that I’ve let them run wild.
Today, I shall spend some time looking at my blocks, barriers and limiting beliefs…insecurity, abandonment and a need for external validation are the first that pop into mind.
Because words fail me.
Sometimes I really need to remember to do this:
Democracy is the best revenge
Benazir Bhutto
Benazir Bhutto was the first female prime minister of a Muslim nation. On December 27, 2007, at the age of 54, she was tragically assassinated. Her message was clear, she refused to be quiet and allow extremism to continue to destroy her country.
I watched a great documentary on Channel 4 yesterday that explored the possibility that Trump could realistically be the next president. How ironic that a decade after Bhutto’s assassination, a president could be sworn in who is marginalising the entire religion of Islam in the name of extremism.
What a shame that democracy has come to this – where people are backing a bigoted, misogynistic, racist and blatantly narcissistic man to be the “Leader of the Free World”. It’s entirely possible that the White House’s next resident may be someone who is a pathological liar, whose only consistency is that he’s inconsistent, who encourages violence and who is completely unable to accept any form of criticism.
Democracy may be the best revenge – but it’s not to be (ab)used to avenge.
There have been many instances where people like Trump have held high political positions, and unfortunately, history has proven that they are catastrophic for the people, the country and the world. Trevor Noah lightheartedly draws a few parallels 🙂
What a shame that millions have struggled and died in the name of democracy and yet there’s still a potential that a person with the dangerous characteristics of a dictator may be elected into power.
Perhaps instead, a decade on from Bhutto’s assassination, America may elect its first female president.
Please, America, don’t let history repeat itself.
Today, help me focus on a peaceful pace rather than a harried one. I will keep moving forward gently, not frantically. Help me let go of my need to be anxious, upset, and harried. Help me replace it with a need to be at peace and in harmony.
The Language of Letting Go
Life is in such a rush to run away from us, isn’t it? As I wrote in my diary this morning, I realised how quickly the year has gone by – a quarter over already! I have certainly enjoyed myself so far, but as I reflected back on March, I realised how much I accomplished (and celebrated! yay :)) but more so, how I looked at everything as a “tick off the list” exercise, rather than truly enjoying and savouring each experience. Things became a “had-to” rather than a “get-to”. *cringe*.
I suppose my main issues are:
- My attitude
- Being present
With that in mind, my new habits will be:
- I shall approach tasks differently – As it’s my narrative that things are simply items to be checked off, rather than (for the most part) enjoyable things that I like to do. If I see myself slipping back into my old ways of busying myself with small tasks to accumulate more ‘ticks’, I will interrupt myself and re-prioritise.
- I shall be more attentive and present in the moment – Being a perpetual daydreamer with a very very very short attention span, I find myself flittering in and out of my dream world numerous times a day. I shall be more mindful of when this happens and bring my attention back to the present moment.
Hopefully, April will be a month of ~2592000 savoured moments. Including the moments when I’m cleaning *yuck*.