Many thanks to Sadia, my soulmate, for this entry.
You’ll hit 20s. You’ll get set up, you’ll ‘talk’ to people, meet them, and maybe even pour them some chai when they passive aggressively make their way over into your house. *the horror* These are some types of people that you are more than likely to meet. Save yourself the emotional injury and cut them loose though.
It may seem this this –
However, the right one is out there – and will come along when it’s time.
On with the list – send me a message if you would like me to add to it! 🙂
1. The Houdini: He slowly and causally disappears.
The easiest of the methods, all a man has to do is fall off the face of the Earth. He doesn’t have to explain himself. He doesn’t have to own up to this decision. He doesn’t have to have any awkward talks. He doesn’t even have to come up with a good reason. This is reserved for women he does not care about: side chicks if you will. It may possibly include women he is confident he can avoid running into for the rest of his life such as: out-of-towners, friends of friends of friends who don’t run in the same circles. You may disagree, and consider him to be a nice guy, but he has decided you are not worth the hassle of the ‘end whatever this is’ discussion. In my opinion, this is the most low-class disrespectful move a man can pull, yet it happens every day.
2. The Guy One Who Never Wanted To Get Married –Until You Came Along
Does this sound like the dream? The guy proclaimed to all that he’d never settle down with anyone ever, ever and then ate his words on the samosa that he was being served. The issue here is that no matter how amazed and wowed by you he is in the moment – the very moment, reality kicks in, things become less exciting and more mundane (yes, this moment is inevitable) he is m ore than likely to have second thoughts. And that will make you feel awful and dreadful. Maybe you’ll sense it happening, in which case you’ll probably try harder, and harder and make you do whatever you can to make sure things don’t get less exciting. Should that be a basis for a marriage?
3. The Funny, Charming, Sensitive Guy Who Pouts And Says “Nothing” If You Ask Him If Something is Wrong
He’s got so many wonderful qualities. Almost too good to be true. You’ll talk to him and learn about this other magical quality: open and honest communication. The thing about marriage is that it’s seems really really long. You might be the greatest, most thoughtful and kind-hearted person, generous people in the world; I guarantee you are still going to occasionally piss him off. He’ll avoid the core of the matter, and keep on going. This is the brooding guy who punishes you with silence. After a while, you’re likely to become so afraid of making him angry – and so unsure of what exactly bothers him since he never tells you—it will be like walking on glass around him.
4. The Guy Who Is So Good-Looking – Or Wealthy Or Successful – Or All-of-The-Above – That All Your Friends Are In Awe
Most people we meet are contact highs. Here’s my advice: See what it feels like to walk into a room with him. Do you notice your friends’ and acquaintances eyes widen ever so slightly. Just remember, it can be hard to separate the feeling of pride + exhilaration that comes from having won the affection of someone deemed desirable to society – from the more tender feelings that are the basis of love. Life is made up of so many amazing moments other than walking into rooms. Make sure the guy you marry is the guy you will least likely kill on a long road-trip, someone you like being with when it’s just the two of you.
5. The Bright-Eyed, Earnest Younger Man Who Adores You
If the horror stories of potential matches go on long enough. There is a possibility that you’ll meet someone younger than you. This guy heartens you with his sweetness and solemn desire to find love. This interaction might even be helpful, especially on those days when the men you have interacted with have caused you to question whether guys even have feelings. at all. (We all have those days.) This one might even will help you to feel optimistic about humanity and about yourself. Not the best idea to take steps towards serious though. Not because of his age – just because one-sided adoration inevitably curdles into resentment that the feeling isn’t mutual. By choosing to let him go, maybe you have gone the right thing – acting in the best interests of two connected people – which is exactly what’s required when you meet the man you so need to marry.
6. The Illusionist
Rather than formally ending things, he slowly withdraws and lets it all fizzle out. He wants out but he is not man enough to end it. Instead, he let’s it die a slow painful death, or gets his sister or mother to do it. No mercy kill. A coward, he might be. He uses phrases like “I don’t know” and well, he is ‘busy.’ He probably thinks that he is the best thing to happen to this world. These kind of patterns go hand-in-hand. There is crossover between this one and The Houdini. It needed to be said again. It did.
The One.
The Man doesn’t bullshit a woman. He doesn’t wait until he has a back-up relationship. He knows you are worth more than a callous text message. He is not cruel but he doesn’t lie. If he realizes that what you have is not heading in the direction you both agreed to he tells you. *gasp* He takes responsibility for his actions. He doesn’t encourage false hope.
Let’s hope you have done enough internal and soul work to differentiate this one from the others. The one you ought to marry will be a person who wants to be in a committed relationship and who will work with you to make your marriage strong. He won’t feel he has made a mistake, or been swindled, every time something between the two of you isn’t perfect (that will happen). This guy will already know that relationships, like other true and meaningful things, operate on an axis that has nothing to do with perfect—they are real, sometimes messy, and constantly evolving things. That’s what’s so wonderful about them.
